Extended Warrenty Not Included
by Random Guise
Summary: Taking place before Episode IV, Darth Vader encounters a side of the force that that is neither dark nor light, but powerful nevertheless. I don't own these characters, and the closest I've come to owning a spaceship is building the LEGO Millennium Falcon.


**A/N: Some time before Episode IV…**

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Extended Warranty Not Included  


"Sir, someone insists on seeing you." The communications officer cringed, waiting for any type of backlash from his leader.

The sinister figure in black turned from where he was looking over the bridge. He stared at the officer for a long moment, making no sound except for his mechanical breathing.

"I am not to be bothered with trivialities" Darth Vader said in a deep voice. "If you cannot deal with him then I have no use for you." He made a small motion with his hand and the officer began to feel choked.

"Won't…leave" he managed to squeeze out. "Sienar…new fighters…"

That was different. Sienar Fleet Systems was the contractor that was in charge of designing, building and delivering the Empire's new line of fighters. Those fighters were a strategic piece of the plan to control the Galactic Empire under the leadership of the Emperor. They had to be built. He released his grip on the officer. "I will make an exception in this case. Send him in."

The officer rubbed his throat as he hurried away through the doorway he had entered. He soon returned with an individual that wore a suit with a plaid coat, a smile from ear to ear, and carried a satchel of some sort. He advanced quickly on Vader with his right hand outstretched.

"Mr. Vader, Sech Clyhem from Sienar. Thanks for seeing me."

Vader stood staring at the hand. "What is it that you want? Is there a problem?"

"Problem? No! I came here to solve YOUR problems. We were going over the specs that your people sent to us for a fighter to build in mass quantities. I think with a few changes you're going to be a lot happier, ones that will put a smile on your fa…er…troops. It should make your boss happy too, and that's not a bad thing right?" he said as he stuck out his elbow in a nudging motion.

Sech opened his satchel and took out a sheet of paper and handed it to Vader. "Here's what we've come up with. I know what you're thinking, it's not what you wanted but let me tell you right now that one look at this baby and you'll forget all about that other design you sent us. We call it…the TIE fighter."

"The…"

Sech went on before Vader could continue. "…changes? Let me tell you about some of the changes, and why. This one has twin ion engines, hence the name. Catchy, huh? It's not the newest technology, but that's even better if you need parts on one of those backwater worlds. It's got speed, it's got firepower, it's so maneuverable you could fly around inside a hanger or a trench. You can have it in any color as long as it's black. Get it? Seriously, we found black is better to blend in while flying through space anyway."

"Why…"

"…would you want this over the other design? Two words my friend: low cost. And two more words for you: fast build. You can crank these babies out in almost a third less time of that design you gave us. And what we save on construction costs we pass on to you; it's like a rebate!"

"How…"

"…do we save you so much money? Let me tell you Darth. Can I call you Darth? We save money and time because we came to the conclusion that building a lot of less expensive ships was more cost effective that building fewer, more expense ones. No need for extended warranties either because you just replace it with a new one when it gets too banged up. And let's face it; pilots are a dozen for a credit, right? With fewer options, they're easier to fly and easier to train pilots for; your mother could probably pilot one. Go get her and we'll try it out...just kidding!"

"My…"

"…instincts tell you this is the ship, right? Tell you what; how about taking one for a test flight? I've brought along a prototype with me today that you can have anyone on this bridge flying in less than 30 minutes. I recommend someone that doesn't want any family, we've kept the radiation shielding down to a minimum to save weight. How about that? Now what will it take for you to order a few thousand today?"

"I'll…"

"…have to hold yourself back from ordering a million? I know how you feel. If it weren't for that little shuttle I normally fly around in I'd be ordering one for myself. I'd suggest you start with 3000 to get the feel for them."

"So…"

"…what's in it for me? It works out for me because the sales rep who sells the most ships this month gets a free beach vacation on Hoth! Just to sweeten the deal, my manager has authorized me to give you a special offer today only; we'll throw in a viewscreen defogger FREE on the first 100 ships we build, just because you're such an important customer. Now you KNOW I'm going to work extra hard to get you what you need."

Sech handed Vader his business card. It read:

 **Sienar Fleet Systems  
Sech Clyhem, Sales Rep**

 _ **If you don't buy 'em from Clyhem,  
then you really shouldn't fly 'em.**_

"So Darth," he said as he grabbed Vader's hand, pumping it "I'm really glad you gave me the chance to come by and we could have a nice long talk about the whole process. Wow, you've got a strong grip there! But after all, we want you to be happy AFTER the sale. If you have any other needs, talk to our staff. We're even working on a bomber that you just might be interested in; it'll cost a bit more, but you can't beat the versatility it will give your fleet."

Sech packed away his satchel and continued. "And just because I like you, I'm going to throw in one more thing; just don't tell my boss I did this. We've got another prototype rolling out in about a month. We call it the TIE Advanced model. Too expensive for your everyday pilots, but I'll see you get the first one personally. I'd love to stay and talk, but I've got a sector meeting to get to and those ships of yours started. After all, time is critical; you said so yourself." He waved goodbye over his head behind him as he walked away and out the doorway.

Vader stood and watched the doorway in awe. "The sales force was strong with that one." He turned and walked back to the bridge thinking about how nice a new TIE Advanced might be. He tried whistling to himself but the effort was wasted.

The End

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 **A/N: It was inevitable that I'd get around to doing SOME type of Star Wars story someday. Just where did all those TIE fighters come from anyway? Maybe Vader should have checked the option box on the fighters for radar that detects incoming ships from above and behind when you're making a trench run. This was written before I saw Rogue One.  
**


End file.
